Sundog –noun 1. parhelion. 2. a small or incomplete rainbow.

Off to see the Wizard

About a month ago, Jeremy and I had nearly a dozen vials of blood drawn in addition to some other testing. Today is the day we travel 5 hours roundtrip to find out the results of all those tests. I am both very excited and very nervous, but predominantly hopeful.

The doctor I will see is a CFS/MCS specialist here in Washington. Five years ago we began to see him when we needed answers that other doctors were unqualified to give. At the time, our meager monthly income was in jeopardy of disappearing any day and neither of our families were offering help with medical bills. It has left a talented physician with few options for our treatment. After we obtained a steady income, the building of our house was a continual drain on our no longer meager but instead limited income and continued to allow few healing options.

Over this last summer, we both suffered a large setback, otherwise known as a crash, in the recovery we had been experiencing over the last two years. We still had not committed fully to this doctor and his suggestions because often times they would have diverted money from house building to afford them. I highly suspect this to be some of the root cause for our crash this summer. The healing we had achieved on our own was very tenuous and the slightest push made it all crumble down to dust again.

Six weeks ago Jeremy and I made a decision to change the way our medical care has been. It is far too costly in terms of lost time, lost years of our lives, to keep trying to build ourselves back up to better health the way we had been previously. Today will be the result of that decision to start living again instead of remaining lost in a limbo of confusion.

I am excited by the new possibilities this day may bring and very hopeful something new will be found in all the testing to indicate ways we can build a more solid healing foundation. Meanwhile I am also very nervous that with an illness having few answers none will be found for us.

As I leave here today I could nearly take flight from all the butterflies in my stomach. But even stronger is the hope I feel for a better future beginning as of now and making me feel light as air. It will be a wonder if my feet actually touch the ground today.

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