Sundog –noun 1. parhelion. 2. a small or incomplete rainbow.

Letter to a Friend

I wrote a letter to a good friend last night and oddly, turns out we both had the same ideal – that the things I said in the letter need to be heard by more than just one person. This is a very candid view of my life right now. Edited only for name, “Late night chat”

Hola! πŸ™‚

Its about 1 am here and just killing a few minutes before Jeremy is ready for bed. We forgot our b12 shots till sometime after 10 tonight so not in a big rush for bed. Seemed like the lesser of the two problems – skip them a day or be up late.

Don’t have enough time I don’t think to reply to your email today fully so will hit it in the next few days. The simple reply – sure sounds like a lot of really fun stuff you’ve got going on! πŸ™‚ Good luck with the relatives visiting if I forget to wish it later.

Well, Jeremy and I had a long chat tonight. Happened after I went for a bit of a walk by myself tonight. Jeremy’s ankle was kinda sore from some exercising we tried last night so he stayed home. Was good to get out by myself for a bit anyways. Granted I chatted with myself and nature the whole way I walked, but was a good chat.

Ended up giving me lots to think about and talk to Jeremy about. We ended up talking for probably 2+ hours but I think it ended in a really positive place. Not a fully happy place, but positive.

The not happy part is because of where our health is right now. Quite frankly I’m rather worried about us. We seem to have suddenly had a rather large downturn these last several weeks and we always are so dang close to that point of life being more than we can keep up with, that any downhill motion is very worrisome.

But we figured a few more things out and hopefully will have some stuff improve in the next few months from it.

Its hard coming right out and saying stuff like this, you know? Hard to admit just how low we end up sometimes. We really need more help but I don’t think there is any where to get it from. Most of the type of help we need is beyond what Jeremy’s dad can do and we are simply too broke to afford to pay someone for work.

We need to be indoors. Life is so very much hard outside like this. :/ It tears me up to see Ron’s place every day just off through the woods about 200ft and know he has a spare bedroom we could use with very little notice. But figure there’s no point to it because we get ill just being downwind of his open door/windows on sunny days so I really doubt we could live there.

You know what occurred to me yesterday? Summer 2004 was likely the last time I might possibly have been inside a house, but only for a visit. Might even have been 2003. I know 2003 was the last time we cooked inside a real kitchen and that was while sleeping in a friend’s yard and using their house one night when they were out of town, though we just cooked and watched some tv before going back outside. Was a nice and low toxic place, unfortunately they sold it and moved about a year later.

Fall 2002 was the last time I lived or slept indoors. December 13, 2002 was the date we left all that and have been in a tent since. That’s a long friggin’ time.

But aside from the length of time, its our health. We need to be indoors. I don’t know if I’m going to find a way to make that happen and the worse our health gets, the less options we have.

I’m not sure what happened, we had been doing well with the diet change for a while. But we’ve been getting weaker and more easily injured the last maybe two months. Its a real problem, we don’t have much to loose. I’m actually thinking about paying Robb Wolf for some consultation time in another month or two if we can’t swing things around ourselves. Just don’t know what to do and I think part of it might be diet. Its like – all of a sudden we just stopped getting the nutrition we need from what we eat. Will see our normal doc first and see what he suggests, but talking to Robb in a nutritionist type capacity might not be a bad thing. Might be well worth the money and at least this way we would know its a person who has some knowledge of diets like this.

Honestly, it really feels like somethings gotta change in the next few months. We’ll do pretty much anything to find that change because things stopped working right for us and in a big/bad way. I am very hopeful still that Jeremy being off his candida med will be that change, but it may have pushed our already taxed bodies too far. I’m a bit scared to be honest. Hard to admit, but I am.

We’ll find a way, we have to. I just would feel a lot better if I had an inkling of what that might be.

I know you’ve said that you pray for us sometimes. I really don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone to pray for me before, but think you could toss in an extra good word or two for us?

heh, here I had intended on making sure to write something that wouldn’t worry you and I’ve a strong suspicion that I failed on that point. I am sorry for the worry, I just really needed to tell someone these things. Well, someone besides Jeremy. πŸ™‚ I just hadn’t wanted to add to your load and I do most certainly apologize for it. πŸ™‚

So yeah, had a good long talk with Jeremy tonight about all this and more. Started some fresh action that should help towards putting things right for us with just a bit of luck.

Alrighty, Jeremy’s done and its very late here. I got longer winded here than planned and now he’s been waiting for me. lol I’m going to head off to bed and hopefully a good night’s sleep. πŸ™‚ Big hugs, Lisa

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11 responses

  1. Hi Lisa,

    I’m glad you shared where you guys are at. I will pray for you both (more) too.

    I did a candida diet and cleanse several years ago, and found I felt great the first few months, but then went downhill. I have done some research on different diets, and I am wondering if some of these diets, perhaps the paleo as well, are diets our bodies benefit from in the short term – as cleanses, but that after a while, we begin to need nutrients and foods beyond what the limited foods in these kinds of diets?

    In my case, I found that I needed to add back certain foods, at least from time to time, to keep my strength up. I basically do a modified version of the candida diet now. I kept it as my base, since it helped at first and is a no-toxic diet, but again, my body needed more than just the limited foods this or other diets I tried offered.

    Do you think this might be the case for you guys? Listen to your bodies – they know what they need. And continue to be open to new ideas and alternatives. The answers will come to you I believe.

    I have had a lot of success with things that detoxify the body. I know though, when our bodies have been through a lot, we need to go very slowly and very carefully with detox stuff, but maybe that is something you coudl research as well?

    I empathize so much as I think of you both as I know what it is like to live in a non-stop housing crisis of sorts. I also have experienced times where my diet was what was keeping me going but any additional stressor in a day threatened my limited energy and hence, my ability to prepare food for myself. It is a very tight line to walk sometimes. Just don’t give up. You’ll get through this. I know there are answers for you both.

    I can tell by the way you express yourself that you have a beautiful and strong spirit. This has helped you get this far, and I’m sure you have encouraged many, and we are all out here routing for you both!

    Remember every healing journey has ups and downs. You will find your upswing again.

    blessings, Kimberly

    May 27, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    • Hi Kimberly!

      Thank you very much for the support, it really does help bolster me.

      Aye, it might indeed be the case that we need to add back in some of the foods we have taken out. Its something we have been thinking about and will be trying if Jeremy going off his candida med doesn’t do the trick.

      We have tried some detox stuff the doc recommended, very light weight. Could only do 1/20th of a dose and even that was too strong after two weeks. I’ve been very toxic lately, been wondering if its my body dumping its toxic burden on its own now. Been making for a lot of pain and such. Hoping this too lessons a bit with Jeremy off that med.

      Thank you for your post. I appreciate the kind thoughts and support. πŸ™‚

      hugs, Lisa

      May 27, 2010 at 11:30 pm

  2. Snez

    HUGS galore!

    You are holding up remarkably well despite your poor circumstances and long-term homelessness. Your strength and determination are awesome. As is your perseverance. πŸ™‚

    I doubt whether I would have been in any better frame of mind or shape given your situation (in fact worse no doubt).

    There is always hope my dear friend. Always.:)

    with much love and hope and supportive hugs, Snez πŸ™‚

    May 27, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    • Thanks Snez!

      Don’t sell yourself short, I bet you’d hold up better than you know. Heck, I would never have thought I’d be able to do this even last Fall. Its one thought that keeps me going, I always seem to do more than I would have thought possible.

      hugs back! Lisa

      May 27, 2010 at 11:32 pm

  3. I read your recent post and just wanted to stop by and send hugs and well wishes, Lisa! Hope things improve soon. You and Jeremy are often in my thoughts.

    June 3, 2010 at 10:45 am

    • Thanks for the hugs and wish Laurel! πŸ˜€

      I’m hoping soon too.

      I often think of you as well. πŸ™‚ While looking at my very familiar view out my window, I sometimes wonder what the view is out your window is like. I hope its a good one with lots of weather able to be seen and some greenery. πŸ™‚

      Gentle hugs, Lisa

      June 3, 2010 at 5:17 pm

  4. jennifer

    hi lisa~

    i’ve been offline more, as headaches plague me with computer time, so i’m only just reading this entry now.

    a couple of things are occurring to me. when i’ve experienced downsliding with MCS, i try to look at what my ‘total load’ is like. has something major changed? a pesticide spray nearby? heightened emotional stress? external factors in the area i’m living in?

    once i’ve looked at that, i usually try to SIMPLIFY hugely. i go back to my most simple, most digestible foods; i cut BACK on supplements; i drink more water; i do more detox support (dry brushing, hot baths, sweats, etc.) but i don’t ADD anything to stress the body further.

    i studied for a long time with herbalist susun weed (www.susunweed.com) – and easily assimilatible foods were the big ‘thing’ i got from her… as well as veering away from bottled supplements. NOURISHING TRADITIONS by sally fallon is a fantastic book on how to make foods super nourishing, a bible really. susun’s forum is a great place. i can’t say i’d recommend her as a mentor… but her books are fantastic. reading about her SIX STEPS OF HEALING (see website or books) really helped clarify some issues for me.

    i know how frightening it is to feel vulnerability increasing and to feel progress slipping away. i’ve been there many times. i do see that the less i angst on that, the fewer stress hormones i flood myself with. and the more simple my routine (food, supplements, plant allies) the better my body can find a balance again.

    i don’t know if any of this will be relevant… but i felt it might. and after only one winter in a tent, i absolutely feel for you being outside that long. for now, compassion and care to you both *

    jennifer

    June 5, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    • Thanks Jennifer. πŸ™‚

      I’m going to give all this some thought and look into the stuff you listed.

      We’ve been simplifying big time around here and getting back to basics. I fully agree, when things go haywire its time to fall back to an old safe position.

      I’ve been wondering a lot about pesticide or herbicides around here given the season. Especially as there is a golf course maybe 2 miles away at most. Sometimes I catch a whiff on the breeze lately that makes me really suspect one of these sorts of toxins is around. Last week would have sworn I was smelling ‘Raid’ the bug spray. Funny how my memory is so sharp with those smells.

      Thanks again for posting. I really appreciate you taking the time to list things that might help us out. πŸ™‚

      More big hugs! (gave you some a few min ago too, hehe) Lisa

      June 5, 2010 at 11:06 pm

  5. jennifer

    if you’d like to read my blog, you can find me at http://runningfreeonwildershores.blogspot.com/2010/06/relapse-awakening.html ~

    i was reflecting on living outdoors, and included a reference to your own situation. a deep bow to what you are doing; and perhaps through the connection others will read your story too.

    take exquisitely good care of yourselves,
    jen

    June 9, 2010 at 9:49 am

    • Thanks Jen, I’m enjoying your blog a lot. πŸ™‚

      I can’t find any sort of contact button on your blog, mind if I use the email address you have linked to your comments here?

      Thanks again for the mention in the article you wrote up on your site. πŸ˜€

      Many hugs, Lisa

      June 9, 2010 at 11:25 am

      • jen

        this is a year later! oh dear. i didn’t realise you were looking for an email address ~ if that still holds, yes, by all means email me at the one linked to comments here.

        or its all water under the bridge now!
        j

        August 2, 2011 at 2:21 pm

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