Sundog –noun 1. parhelion. 2. a small or incomplete rainbow.

A Choice

In life we have choices. Choosing gives us power. When we are thrust into a situation in which we have very little choice, it can leave one feeling very powerless. Thus has been my situation for the many years I’ve been homeless in this very tent.

Until now.

For years we have tried to find a way out of our situation and seem to have only dug ourselves in deeper and deeper each time.

We tried to build a house – now we are in debt we can barely cover due to our increasing medical expenses, can not finish building because the majority of the money ran out years ago, and are now left with a half finished structure too toxic for us to live in.

Three years ago we started an intensive regime of supplements which did show much promise in healing us – then a misstep with adding just the wrong type of a much needed nutrient (b12) and all our hard regained health crashed around us in a matter of a few weeks. This was the instigator of the crash from which we are only just starting to pull out of finally, a full year later.

Stuck in a difficult situation, all the motivation in the world to pull yourself out of it yet chained to a body incapable of hardly even moving at times for the most basic of needs. Its enough to drive a person nuts.

While these last few months have passed by and our health declined further and further, all thoughts turned to escape from this situation, no matter the cost. I started rooting through all the ads for rental housing, day after day, looking for the “perfect” place for all our needs – super cheap, hardwood or tile floors, no fresh paint or remodeling, no pest control, no mold, no super close neighbors, no gas appliances, and a landlord willing to work with our MCS problems … in other words, looking for the near impossible.

Even assuming we found a place that matched everything, it would still have the possibility of not being right for us depending on the lifestyle of the last few tenants. If they had been incense burners, smokers, strong laundry soap users, heavy perfume wearers, or any number of other highly toxic aromatic things in daily life, then that too would rule a place out.

Yeah.. darn near impossible at this time.

And then a few weeks ago, Jeremy and I came upon a Choice.

We could keep going crazy looking for an exit to the cage we found ourselves in these last eight years or find within ourselves the key to dissolving the cage bars surrounding us and finally be free again.

I am not entirely sure how we found the ability to liberate our minds from the cage, thus freeing our souls, but I do know it started with a choice to stay.

All these years I never felt like it was by my own choosing to be here in a tent. It was always circumstance that forced my hand, left me no other options. Left me powerless.

As simple as it seems, we decided that barring unforeseen changes we would stay here for the next solid year, work very diligently and without deviation from a healing plan we wrote out that day, and most importantly – we made a choice to stop pacing the confines of the cage but to instead embrace the life around us as our own.

And with that we were freed.
Free Wild Horses

10 responses

  1. Snez


    I whole-heartedly agree!

    Your blog article resonates with me- making a choice and sticking with it as a choice is so important to one’s state of mind. Taking responsibility like this can be scary but so worth it. Go for it!

    You know I’ll support you in this and encourage you, as you have helped me. Thanks πŸ™‚

    Celebrating your freedom with you, my friend πŸ™‚

    August 2, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    • Hi Snez! πŸ™‚

      Very awesome! Thank you very much. πŸ™‚

      Until you said you’d support and encourage me in this choice, I had not realized just how much I needed to hear someone say that. Thank you! πŸ™‚

      Hugs of Life, Lisa πŸ™‚

      August 2, 2010 at 7:41 pm

  2. Your post was so empowering. Thank you!

    I do have a question. What wrong form of B12? I’m curious since I use it, too.


    August 3, 2010 at 3:14 am

    • Hi Pris! πŸ™‚

      The wrong form for us had been methylcobalamin (methylb12). We are doing very well on hydroxocobalamin the last nine months. πŸ™‚

      In a nutshell: Methylcobalamin is one of the few things that can bind with body mercury, thus forming methylmercury. Methylmecury is the form that can pass the blood brain barrier.

      Its thought that the methylb12 bound with our body mercury load (tooth fillings, eating fish, etc) to form methylmecury which then took a sledge hammer to our body systems.

      It shut down our ability to reason and understand what was going on to our bodies because of the extraordinary brain fog it caused. This had us using the methylb12 maybe a week or two after we took a turn for the worse on it. In total, I think we were on it 3-4 weeks at most (kinda a blurred memory) at which point we woke up one morning and suddenly realized we needed to stop right away.

      Since then, we’ve started a new practice to only have one of us try something new for a few days so the other can be aware of any problems – just in case. Has already helped with one thing (though I can’t remember what, I was the guinea pig lol) and is something we are still sticking to with new stuff.

      Good to hear from you Pris! πŸ™‚ Many happy days, Lisa πŸ™‚

      August 3, 2010 at 11:48 am

  3. Well. Yes. I think you’ve got it.

    At the risk of sounding vapid, I’m going to try to put something into words here.

    I’ve never had to deal with what you have been dealing with. But I have had other situations that I found intolerable but couldn’t escape from.

    The ultimate goal was still to get away. But in the interim, I needed to find a way to accept where I was. Otherwise I was filled with that frustration and anger and helplessness you’re talking about.

    Eventually I was even able to be grateful. I came to the point where what I’d seen as a cage I remember coming to view more as (I had a houseful of little kids so that’s why this analogy I’m sure) a playpen or crib.

    Not punishment. Protection.

    All the while I was chafing over what I disliked, wanted out … I was being protected by my restricted circumstances from other things.

    But that’s a whole other story. πŸ™‚

    I agree with you, embracing may well be the best way to go for now. That can change the constant drip in the background of negative emotion (and their negative destructive chemicals).

    Takes you out of sympathetic nervous system (need to get out NOW) and puts you more into parasympathetic nervous system (be where you are now and rest in it and accept it).

    You and Jeremy get to choose here, you get to choose how you look at your lives.

    I salute you. You will be well.

    August 3, 2010 at 6:27 am

    • Wasn’t vapid at all Jody! πŸ™‚

      I know exactly what you are saying here. You got me thinking about something this morning after I read this. See, three years ago I was fine with our situation. Didn’t care much for it but was comfortable enough in the safety of it.

      Then it was a crazy big winter, four feet of snow in three days and several long (3+days) electrical outages that left us very cold with lousy food since we couldn’t cook. Suddenly after that things changed. Had to get out and quick. The safety factor was now gone and it was a dangerous life or death feeling situation at times.

      We had a very easy winter this last year, easy ones always follow hard ones. Helps dilute the memory of the hard one. This winter should be an average one – a foot of snow 2-3 times and an electrical outage or two that last at most 24 hours. Much easier to deal with.

      Aye, wellness and soundness are on their way again – I’ve heard it whispered in the breeze lately.

      Many hugs! Lisa πŸ™‚

      August 3, 2010 at 11:59 am

  4. Lisa,
    I’m so glad you told me about that. I’ve been using weekly shots of the other B12 form for a long time. No problem. My new doctor at the Klimas Clinic wanted me to go sublingual drops. She suggested a site for them, but they were mixed with acidic things which affect my interstitial cystitis. I found the form you just mentioned mixed only with water on a site, saw it was different, googled it and then mentioned to her that I found B12 without the other stuff but didn’t tell her the form. Egads. I know I had the whiplash which has been making me swimmy, but this may be playing a role, too. I’m going to stop it right away . I’ve only been using it for about 3 weeks, thank god. I’m so grateful that I read your post. Thank you thank you….and may your winter be as mild as possible this year!!


    August 3, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    • Hey Pris! πŸ™‚

      I don’t remember the brand, but about five years ago we were taking some hydroxocobalamin drops that were just water and the b12. I think they derived it from beets if I remember right. Don’t know if it helps, but it was a smallish brown bottle. lol Sort of like what you get eye drops in. πŸ™‚

      There is also this product:

      Its hydroxob12 also but in a sublingual form. There are some other ingredients in there which might be problematic for you, but if you can use it then I definitely recommend trying it out! We keep a few bottles around so we don’t run out of it. This stuff is awesome at helping clear out a chemical overload when we get around too much toxic stuff.

      Also, if you are concerned about your current b12 then wait a few weeks before trying it out again. I know for us, it was about 5-6 weeks before we started feeling that super intense fog lifting at all and it would have been easy to think the cause was something else due to it taking so long to go away.

      Good luck Pris! πŸ™‚

      Lisa πŸ™‚

      August 3, 2010 at 5:53 pm

  5. Thanks!! this has cherries which really set me off….I have so many problems finding supplements because of the Interstitial Cystitis. I’ll do some searches under this other name and see if I can find the one you had with water.


    August 3, 2010 at 6:05 pm


    Was this it? With drops even with a tiny bit of citrus in this one I can spit it out after holding it under my tongue long enough. So many are lozenges and you’re going to have to swallow.

    August 3, 2010 at 6:10 pm

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