Sundog –noun 1. parhelion. 2. a small or incomplete rainbow.


Almost a year has passed since my last post here, yet I am disappointed with my lack of posting at the second blog site Jeremy and I teamed up for. In truth, though he is a great partner for many things, blog writing is not one of them. This sapped my enthusiasm for writing and over the months turned into more silence than anything. In that time, much has happened, but what brings me back here today is this blog itself. Several weeks ago I began to reread my old posts here and appreciate once more how much Sundog Tales has always meant to me. I’ve shared so much of my journey, it’s only fitting that I come back here in these final months before I begin to attend Colorado State University in August.

Where does one begin? Perhaps there is no need for a beginning, for you already know me so well. A quick catch-up then.

In short, life in Colorado has been filled with many ups and downs, as any life is – healthy or chronically ill, and I’ve been undergoing tremendous growth to overcome these challenges. I’ve had the excitement of applying for and being accepted to CSU for the fall semester. This in turn kicked off a world of doubts and fears about my capabilities to return to school, being productive once more, and in some ways more importantly – to feel successful while doing it.

All those years living in a tent, day dreaming of being healthy again, working or going back to school – the reality is both much more fantastic and also more difficult that I had imagined. Somehow in each of my daydreams, the me I would become when well was the same me I had been before becoming sick. Other than knowing I was mentally a lot stronger and physically a lot weaker now, in my mind’s eye I was still the same 24 year old woman I used to be.

Boy was I wrong!

I am vastly different than who I had been. Though the tent felt like time was suspended within it’s walls, it was in fact not a time machine at all, waiting to deposit the old me 13 years in the future the same as I’d been before, but instead a device slowly molding me into a more mature and motivated person.

This is ever so obvious when I attend functions at CSU, surrounded by undergrads who are often half my age with problems I no longer identify with, such as which party to go to or who is dating whom. Worse yet are the functions for incoming freshmen and transfer students. The freshmen are often accompanied by parents who are the only ones asking questions, a glazed look on the kid’s faces, and everyone wondering where the dorms are. These are not problems in my world. My world is about paying rent, walking the dog, spending time with Jeremy, and otherwise devoting myself to my studies.

No, the me of 2001 who would have been only a bit older than these kids is as surely gone in the past as VHS tapes and a world without cell phones.

This morning I was writing an essay for a scholarship (something else past me had never done) and one of the questions was on how have I grown as a leader through my leadership activities. Well, as someone who was bedbound much of the last decade of my life, let me tell you – there wasn’t much call for leadership activities. Then I woke this morning with the thought on my mind, this right here is a leadership activity. I have reached lives I have never known, inspired people with my words to be more than they were before reading my stories, and that to me is a leader.

It reminded me of how much this blog and all my readers have meant to me over the years and I realized that at one of the greatest points in the story – I left. I went elsewhere and was hardly there too. It’s time I remedy this and finish this story, you all deserve nothing less.

So pull up a chair and settle in, because there will be more blog posts to come over the next few months as we count down to the first day of school – August 25, 2014.

5 responses

  1. Weeeee! So happy to see you here, I have missed you and this place/space immensely! You have indeed been a leader and an amazing guide in my life since I first visited this blog and for that I am forever grateful. Looking forward to reading more!!!

    May 12, 2014 at 11:26 am

    • Bells, this comment is amazing. 🙂 Big hugs! 😀

      May 12, 2014 at 1:41 pm

  2. Vicki

    If ever there was a true statement, it is that you have changed and matured. It’s exceptionally hard to relate to younger students first starting out in life. They still use their parents, siblings and school friends as a crutch and ‘sounding board’.

    You (and Jeremy) are so far past this stage and so incredibly capable and confident in being able to survive out in the big wide world on your own. You’ve had to be. You’ve had to find your way through the minefield of bureaucratic red tape, social services AND moving to another state with no back up except each other.

    Don’t underestimate the journey you’ve taken in the last 10 years or so. In some ways its miraculous. In some ways it took enormous courage.

    You don’t have to have taken the same journey to understand other traveller’s journeys. You just have to read, research and be educated in the ways of other cultures.

    Think how much you contributed and inspired fellow patients on PR alone, let alone the readers of this blog.

    Leadership takes many forms -it’s not just about being the ‘Boss’ or Leader physically (or mentally). It’s about courage, maturity, moving forward and letting go.

    A couple of my favourite quotes are ‘Man cannot discover new oceans until he has the courage to lose sight of the shore’ AND ‘It’s never too late to become what you might have been’. I read them off my old blog often. They inspire and give me confidence to begin each day anew.

    Posts don’t have to be long and time-consuming to write. They just have to come from the heart and you be willing to share (part of your inner thoughts and dreams). You can share what you’re thinking or they can chronicle daily events. Above all, they are yours to express what ever you want them to be. That’s the beauty of Blogging. It’s your Blog and it can be whatever you want it to be. I guess that’s why so many of us do it.


    May 12, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    • I love those quotes, Vicki. 🙂 I have a bulletin board above my computer, a monster of a board that covers nearly the whole wall, and have been putting motivational quotes on it. I shall have get these written down and pinned up there too, especially the one about discovering new oceans. Thank you for the great words, it can be hard to see where one has been when its through your own view point, sometimes need that outside viewpoint to spot the beauties of your journey. Hugs! 🙂

      May 12, 2014 at 5:59 pm

      • Vicki

        Perhaps you might like some more of the quotes on my old Victoria A Photography blog, Lisa. They’re on a page at the top of the screen.

        They inspire me and keep me going (when the Going Gets Tough in my Life).

        May 14, 2014 at 12:02 am

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