Sundog –noun 1. parhelion. 2. a small or incomplete rainbow.

Goodbye to Lisa

I’ve been delaying posting this until things were in the process of becoming legal – Jeremy and I are fully changing both of our names! Not a post I thought I’d be writing when I started this blog nearly 5 years ago… wait, 5 years? Wow!

I’ve shared so much of my life here. The struggles we had living in the tent and trying to get well, but only getting sicker. The fantastic journey to Hawaii where everything changed and healing became part of our lives once more. Then now, this journey leading me back to college and a future that is opening more for me every day.

Changing our names is a pretty big thing for us. Those of you who have read through this blog know things were rarely easy while we struggled to find healing in that tent. Though this blog starts in 2009, that struggle actually began in 2001. It’s been a very long and hard road to get to the point we are at now.

Along the way, I found it interesting that the only time in my life I ever began identifying with the name “Lisa” was in the deepest and darkest part of my life story. Somehow, through all the pretty lousy stuff in my childhood (of which I’ve rarely said much, but trust me, it was not good) the name “Lisa” came to mean pain, unhappiness, sickness, and life being upside down with no easy way to right it.

As one might imagine, while my healing has been progressing these last couple of years, I’ve felt rather distanced from the name of “Lisa.” I’m just not that girl anymore for whom normal is sadness and believing that life beats up on you, never feeling like I can succeed because that only allows in more pain when you fail.

I’m on my way to being happy, truly happy and being able to feel it. Starting to believe that life isn’t only ever going to tear me down, but that instead I can trust in the foundation I’m building on to hold me secure while I build to greater heights.

It’s scary, very scary. Everything is new and different – I’m new and different.

Hence, the new name. Something that is more the me who I’m becoming and want to be in life, rather than a name that is connected to so much pain in the past. As for Jeremy changing his name too? We’ll, that’s his story to tell, but it’s much the same – just as our last names are changing to be the same too.

Who will I be? It was a hard choice, I mean – how often do you really stop to think about what name suits you best? After settling on something I liked very much, then came the trial period where I had to try on the name, much like a new set of clothes, and see how it fit. My first try at a name fit me very well – too well. I found it highly uncomfortable when people would mispronounce it or worse yet they’d make fun of it. Since the name was so close to my heart I had no armor to protect me from their words. A new name had to be found, but I already had a nickname I liked and wanted to keep.

I’ve decided to go with Catrin, but you can all call me Cat. Yesterday, someone didn’t hear me right when I said my name was Catrin and understandably they thought I’d said Cathrine. I found that I didn’t mind it so much and easy enough to tell them to just keep on calling me Cat. It also seems to help that Cat is so easy to see where it comes from with the name Catrin.

What happened to the first name I liked so much? Well, I’ve decided to keep that one too – but I’m putting it in the middle where it can be a bit more protected from the world and the evils of telemarketers who find your phone number.

Jeremy has been a different story. He simply asked me one night for interesting names starting with “Z” and when I mentioned Zain, he knew that was for him. Same with his middle name, I just tossed something out and he loved it so much he’s kept it.

We’ve filed with the county courts and are in the middle of making everything legal. Within a few weeks we should legally be Catrin and Zain and can start the task of changing our names everywhere – and I do mean everywhere. It’s a little daunting, but also exciting and fun. Think for a moment of everyone and everyplace you interact with at least once a year and that will be the list we use to change over our life to new names. Phew, it’s a big list!

Our dog Falkor, well he’ll be staying Falkor. So I guess not everything’s changing around here!

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4 responses

  1. Congrats, Catrin and Zain! I went through my own name change for similar reasons almost 15 years ago now. All the therapy in the world couldn’t help me reconsile with my old name, and time in therapy seemed better spent working on other issues anyway and so I changed and never regretted, never looked back 🙂
    My dogs change names all the time, poor things. They now have at least seven names each and ignore each one equally 😀
    BIG hugs to you all, Catrin, Zain and Falkor! By the way Falkor did change name, or get his name when he entered your life, so in many ways he just went ahead of you abit 😉

    July 5, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    • lol, so very true about Falkor! He had been named Quinoa by the human society and who knows before that? He’s now Falkor, Boy, Puppy, and Captain Daintypaw. Give him another few years and maybe he’ll have a few more. Good to hear from you, Bells. You helped inspire this and give me the courage to make it happy. HUGS!

      July 5, 2014 at 7:08 pm

  2. PS I misspelled the word “reconcile” and can’t find edit, ah well 😀

    July 5, 2014 at 6:39 pm

  3. Congratulations on the final decision Cat/Lisa/Catrin. I know this is the culmination of a life-changing experience and roller coaster ride you’ve both had in the last 10 years or so.

    I don’t envy you the task of legally changing it everywhere in your life though. I know how tedious it is to change mailing address on everything in my own life with several house moves, (let alone a name change which you’ll need got to address everywhere in yours).

    I wondered if you had checked the ‘numerology’ meaning of your new name at all. Might be an interesting exercise before you go ahead with the legal stuff (if you’re interested in that sort of thing).

    All the best anyway.

    Vicki
    xx

    July 5, 2014 at 7:54 pm

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