Sundog –noun 1. parhelion. 2. a small or incomplete rainbow.

Unexpected Turns.

I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to post here. Life has been an interesting place to live in the last couple of months and there are two really huge things going on which I have not mentioned here. It can be hard to balance private life with what I want to share on a blog. I’ve really enjoyed sharing my healing journey over the years and it’s always been a source of strength for me to share it openly here.

The next few posts are going to be the most difficult ones to share. They are probably some of the most important ones to share as well.

I’m coming to find out that the healing process can take many different roads and sometimes you have no way of guessing which way it will take you. It can be a place of both sadness and great joy all at the same time – which is a hard place to live in.

For many months, in hindsight maybe even a lot longer than that, Zain and I have been growing apart. It’s taken a big leap over this summer when we both hit huge milestones in our individual healing journeys. We’ve now grown far enough apart that it’s time to move on as friends, but nothing more.

When I started writing this blog five years ago I really wouldn’t have thought I’d be where I am today. Going to college at CSU and rocking a calculus test I took this afternoon. Feeling more healthy than I ever have in my life, both physically and mentally. Having an amazing dog who just gets more awesome every day. Grieving for the loss of my relationship with Zain. Exploring new realms of adventure that have opened up to me and which I will most likely speak of in my next post. If you’d told me five years ago that this would be life today, I’d have sworn you were off in a fantasy world.

It’s all so … big. When this blog started, my life was simple. Survival for another winter and keep hope alive until the day when I found a way to heal. I can hardly believe I’ve healed.

Yes, I am almost fully healed at this point. I feel like it must all be a dream still. Especially as life keeps taking weird turns that seemed so far away from possible reality as to be fiction.

Yet here I am working on my degree in mechanical engineering while having to relearn how to be 100% independent from Zain because we need to move into separate homes sometime soon. It’s all part of the healing process and so I’m happy, but I’m also sad. My world is opening up before me, though it also means closing the door on the some of the dreams I had been working so long to make happen.

Living life with an open heart and drive to improve, never settling for less than you are capable of doing, it’s simply amazing where that can take you. Where will I be in another five years? I truly wonder.

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5 responses

  1. All I can do is send warm hugs, ths must be a completely different challenge than all the other you’ve faced so far, so much going on and so much unavoidable emotions to go with it (I can only imagine <3) You go girl!!! You are brave enough to grow through any obstacle or challenge life sends your way, you'll ace this as well!

    September 20, 2014 at 4:23 am

  2. I mean you’ll come out on top, doing more than well, you will thrive again ❤

    September 20, 2014 at 4:27 am

  3. Cat

    Thanks, Bells. 🙂 Big hugs! 🙂

    September 20, 2014 at 9:40 pm

  4. priscampbell

    I’ve been reading your blog since you two were in a tent, am glad to read about your continuing healing and accomplishments. It was a big surprise to read that you two will be going different ways, albeit as friends. Do you think the change in health played a role? Goood luck to you both.

    September 22, 2014 at 2:37 am

    • Cat

      Hi Pris. Indeed, the change in health has played a huge role. Not so much because we are healthier, but the mental/emotional changes that took place while getting healthier. Its all such a mind/body connection that to heal one has healed the other. We’ve just come to find ourselves – different than we were. Not too surprising, it’s been a lot of years, and the changes just sort of took place in a short period of time as opposed to gradually over 13 years.

      September 22, 2014 at 9:19 am

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